No update in a while. Hm. A lot is new, but most of it boils down to nothing.

I'm applying to Evergreen for the Fall Quarter of '08, and after much flip-flopping on the issue I've decided that I'm going to go ahead take out monstrous student loans and get a place there with my own room, instead of living here with my mom and commuting for (at least) the first year. I was concerned that because I'm such a neat freak and spend so much time cooking that I would go nuts living with other people and sharing a kitchen, but if I can avoid rooming with someone then I'll have my own sphere, and no one else my age is going to use a kitchen for anything other than making top ramen anyway.

Fuck. Actually, I'm still not sure about this. I really do like having my own space. The cost of housing (and my student loans) is really secondary to this issue of having my own space and needing to live in an environment that I control. The only thing that even allows me to be indecisive about this is the commute; I really want to live right next to the campus so I can immerse myself in the experience. I guess I'll figure it all out.

It's the third week of winter quarter right now. I like my classes (well, two out of three), but I feel like they're going really slow and not offering much in the way of real intellectual growth. Particularly in my comparative religion class, I feel like there's a lot of substance in the course content with really profound implications, but we're not discussing it and making the deeper connections that really enable a higher degree of learning to take place. Also, there's not a lot of room for students to interact, which is slightly demoralizing in the context of learning. I think I'm just at a point in my intellectual development where I need to be at a university. I've gotten about as much out of community college as I can. Things are still good, I'm just in the twilight of my time at GRCC.

In other news, Melissa and I are no longer speaking. I made it official a few days ago. I know that I wasn't a saint when she and I were in a relationship, but what had been happening between us for the last several months wasn't at all okay. I've owed it to myself to do this, and I'm glad that I was finally able to do what I knew I had to do in order to be a strong person. For the most part I'd say that I'm over everything, though there are still moments where not being connected anymore to someone that I was so intimately connected with is really surreal, and I think that will remain for a long time.  Being "over it" doesn't mean that I'm not still hurt though, and I am struggling a little bit with feeling used and unwanted and associating sex with emotional abuse, which is still at times overwhelming, but I think I'll work through it internally and let go of things with time, especially as I have positive romantic experiences.

I've been getting out a lot and meeting new people this past month. In the scheme of things since the last time I made an entry, this has been the most significant thing to happen to me, but I don't have much to say about it. It's been really good for me and I hope to continue this trend.

For the past few weeks I've been eating like a rabbit that occasionally eats chicken and have gotten back into an exercise routine, so I feel really good physically. I've lost some weight so I'm fluctuating between 153-156 as opposed to my normal 159-162, but I think that as I lose fat and gain muscle I'll probably go back up to around 159.

I get my tattoo in two days. I'm really excited about it. Or, as I keep saying, I'm "fuckin' stoked" about it.